In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Duke Newcomb was a Shrimp on a mission, taking down one of the top Crabs with conviction during a recent practice round for the Jolly Elephant in Pattaya. "It was easy," said Duke with confidence. "I just stuck to my game plan and waited for the chance to strike." It appears however that Duke might have shot the proverbial wednesday wad, as he drifted to a Jolly Tour career high 4th DFL finish in the Elephant itself, much to the relief of hard charging Tusher Timmy Real. "The big tournaments are overrated," Duke added, "I'm all about cash games in the practice rounds."
Found on the Kunming Airport departure magazine rack.....
