The Hairy Crab Desert Classic
April 28- May 2 2024
Palm Springs, CA
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
1
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
Always on the leading edge of expanding Crustacean horizons, the 2004 Hairy Crab Invitational introduces a new classification of non-competing participants....the Barnacles.
"Barnacles suck, and they stick to the bottom of the boat."
-- Joe 'Hubcaps' Tattaboom, future barnacle hall of famer
Barnacles are the least understood crustacean in the Hairy Crab. Some crustaceans claim to be Barnacles, but the truth is, they are simply lazy Crabs and apathetic Clams.
Attitude and a verbal claim to Barnacledom simply isn't enough. There is a very specific behavior, or lack thereof, that makes one a Barnacle.
For your personal edification and in case you think you've actually spotted one, here are the top five Barnacle identification characteristics:
Barnacle trait #1
When confronted with a choice between lethargy and doing nothing,
Barnacles generally choose lethargy.
Barnacle trait #2
Barnacles view golf as a waste of good idle time.
Barnacle trait #3
The most important piece of equipment to a Barnacle is a Long Bar happy hour glass.
Barnacle trait #4
Some Shrimp and Clams aspire to be Crabs. Barnacles only aspire to be Barnacles.
Barnacle trait #5
If golf was indoors and you could sit still while playing it,
Barnacles might consider taking up the game. But this thought would quickly pass.
Get a piece of string about 10 feet long and two strong but thin steel pins. Attached the string to both pins. On a putting green find a straight uphill putt. Put one pin in the ground behind the center of the hole and one pin in the ground on the straight line back from the hole. Position a golf ball directly under the string. When you address the ball to putt, you should see the string directly in the center of the ball. If the string is not in the center, then you are standing either too close or most likely too far from the ball. Adjust your stance until the string is in the center of the ball. This also helps give you a clear view of the line you want to put on. Line your putter up directly behind the ball with the string in the center of the putter. Make your putting stroke keeping the putter head moving up and down the line. Practice this drill for 15 to 20 minutes before you play to ensure proper setup before each putt and the proper travel path of the putter head. If you practice this, you will make more putts!!
He gave me this lesson and it has really helped. I have given it to several other people, including Seamus, and all have benefited from it!!!
Swampy
A preview from John Lee Bunker's new, sure to be best selling, instruction manual, "How to Line Up Your 4th Putt"...
From Chapter 13, Distance Tips
